Up & Through

2024

Like birth and death, suffering is one of the few guarantees of life that does not discriminate on the basis of location, gender, socioeconomic class, race, or any other ways people can be divided into subgroups. My piece, Up & Through, explores my personal transformation with suffering and serves as an archive of my journey.

After receiving a diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) last spring and cycling through many rounds of treatments to no avail, I struggled to cope from the physical and emotional damage of learning that my body simply will never work the way it’s supposed to. I became disenchanted with my life and hopeless about the future of my health, hoping for an answer that was more than temporarily alleviating symptoms.

Inspired by No Mud, No Lotus—a book by Zen Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh about the art of transforming suffering—I applied his insightful metaphor of how the transformation of suffering into joy is much like the life of a lotus flower, which must grow through thick layers of mud before it can bloom in open air. Without mud, there is no lotus; without suffering, there is no joy.

Taking a sample of medications and supplements I’ve tried in hopes of alleviating my PCOS, I placed them in the “mud region” of an elegant lotus flower that grows to blossom over water. By creating an archive of pain points, I am able to transform my journey that’s been occluded with depression and anxiety into a story of strength and resilience. What was once a source of despair is now a testament to what I am capable of.

This work was selected for a juried art exhibition and displayed in the Cora Stafford Gallery in Denton, Texas.